The difference between commitment & marriage (Happy Valentine’s Day)
- amandammilliken
- Feb 14, 2017
- 2 min read
com·mit·ment
kəˈmitmənt
noun 1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.“the company’s commitment to quality”
synonyms: dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity
Commitment, to me, is a natural precursor to marriage. It’s something kept private; it’s not shouted from the rooftops. It’s whispering “I love you” before falling asleep. It’s never going to bed angry. It’s something that means the world to me. It’s knowing that there is someone out there who wants to be with me, who will do whatever it takes to stay faithful to me, and who thinks of him & me as us & we. It’s being able to sit in comfortable silence. It’s knowing what he is thinking because you know him so well. It’s finding your other half and being able to recognize that.
mar·riage
‘marij
noun 1. the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.“a happy marriage”
synonyms: wedding, wedding ceremony, marriage ceremony, nuptials, union
Marriage, however, is so much more than commitment. It’s not just a legally binding contract; it’s a public choosing – it’s a public showing of affection. It’s SCREAMING to the rest of the world that I love this person, I would do anything for this person, and of all the people in all of the world, I’m choosing this person to be family. It’s more than a piece of paper and it’s more than just a built in support system: It’s a way of life. It’s showing the world that I have found my other half & that I never want to let him go.
Everyone who is in a relationship clearly wants the commitment that goes along with that. & to some, that commitment alone is enough. It’s not enough for me. Marriage is something I’ve always wanted…that ultimate commitment…the shouting from the rooftops, the ‘I do’, the romantic spectacle of it all! Unfortunately, I can’t marry myself, or this would be another non-issue.
I don’t need flowers, I don’t need chocolates or candy (though I’ll eat them, as usual, when he brings them home for me), and I don’t need to have the typical dates or relationship activities (because goodness knows neither of us are typical), but I want the typical marriage. I want the proposal, I want the engagement ring, I want the wedding planning, and I want the dress. I want the vows, though not necessarily in the church, and I want to make my mother cry and my father sniffle in public and bawl like a baby when it’s all over. I want his dad to get hammered with my dad & I want us to stay relatively sober enough to remember every joyous moment.
I want all of that, but I can’t have that without him. & this is my dilemma.
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